Unplanned pregnancy

One of the most common needs of the woman who suspects she is pregnant is to have the pregnancy confirmed by a pregnancy test. A positive result often places the woman in a state of shock and for many, the greatest need at this sensitive time is to have the opportunity to discuss their problems. Support at this time is essential to help her work out the best approach from now on.

Often, when faced with an unplanned pregnancy, a great deal of pressure is placed on the woman to have an abortion. This pressure may come from her boyfriend, husband or partner, parents, peers, well-meaning family friends, doctors, counsellors and the general attitudes of our modern-day society. Abortion is often seen as an easy answer to an unplanned pregnancy.

The pregnant woman must be allowed to express her feelings, ie how she feels about children, her relationships with her boyfriend, family, her future studies or her career. She may feel that these problems are insurmountable, however an indepth discussion of these can usually reduce the most urgent problems to only one or two main areas.

It is quite normal for a woman to become depressed when she realises she is pregnant. This can be particularly severe when the woman is young and single. It is during this crisis time that she is in need of much empathy, understanding and help to think calmly. This depression is usually at its peak around the 10th week of pregnancy, and unfortunately this is also the time when she feels least able to resist the pressures placed upon her to have an abortion. This decision could not be made at a worse time as the depression soon passes and is often followed at around 12 weeks by a strong, genuine and positive feeling of acceptance.

If she decides to have an abortion the father may want to keep the baby and he may suffer a great deal of grief that may not come to the surface for a long time, if ever. The grief may manifest itself through his attitudes or in behaviour problems. In a recent study most of the men questioned admitted to feelings of anger towards the woman who aborted his child. They often fantasised about hurting or killing the woman involved. It is interesting to note that these men felt this way whether or not they were involved in the decision to abort. The future implications of these feelings are enormous.

Family reactions do vary but almost always there is a feeling of shock and bewilderment - "what are we going to do?" and sometimes anger. If a woman is having difficulty in telling her partner it is helpful for her to talk to someone about the way people often react to unplanned pregnancies, so that she may be prepared for this when planning to communicate the news. The woman herself may feel guilty about being pregnant and search wildly for a way out. Abortion may be thought of as a means of getting rid of her problem.

A problem as large as this one has been likened to being locked away for some time, alone in a dark room, with no way out, and then someone opens a door and light floods in. We run to the door and lean on the arm of the person standing there, and trust them to lead us out of it. The problem is increased if the person opening the door leads us on the wrong path.

The pregnant woman has to face the very real problem of rejection, if not by everyone, at least by some of the important people in her life. There is no doubt the pregnancy will involve a change in lifestyle.

There are several avenues of financial help available through social benefits for those in financial difficulty. As these areas are constantly under review it is best to contact the government agency direct to find out the supporting benefits applicable.

It is very important that the woman facing an unplanned pregnancy receives all the support, information and assistance she can get when she finds out she is expecting a baby. She must know her options, she must be allowed time to think very carefully about the decision she may have to make, since she now has not only her own future but also that of her baby to consider. She needs love and acceptance for who she is and needs to know that, there will be someone who will be there to support her when she needs it.

The woman does not need someone to solve her problem, she needs someone who can look at her situation, draw together her resources and encourage her as an individual to make her own decisions.